wow

http://www.maryrozzi.com/home

If all goes well

I will be out of the country in about a month. I will be gone for about a week. I will miss you more than can be described.

i fell and i'm staying down

i just stopped myself from telling you that the more time i seem to spend with you, the more i know this should be. i don't know how i could be sure. i may be wrong. however, i just know that when i'm with you or around you, i feel a sense of peace and happiness that i can't really even describe. you made this day complete. i didn't want anything else but what i got today, which was spending time with you. you are so special to me and always will be regardless. believe it or not you have somewhat changed me. i don't ever want to go back to not having you there. i hope i don't have to.

oh papa

if you only knew i only have eyes for you.

Another one

Another year is about to be added to my life at 12:57 am.



All I wish for this year is for you to be happy precious.



<3

it just simply feels so right

with you.




it's the scariest feeling in the world to me.

transition

I have been feeling a huuuuge change in my life since this year began. I feel like I have just begun a new part of my life and I love it. Not only is it minor things like being able to drive and being more responsible in the sense of taking care of my money, but mainly the way I am beginning to view life and the decisions i make. I'm pretty damn happy for the most part. :D

Bull Shit Part 2

I will not delete the first part to this blog because it's what I was feeling at the moment.
I was being influenced by what most of the world was telling me.
I still don't know if they were right or if what I believed coming out from your mouth was really true.
It sucks because a part of me really does believe you, however just knowing that you're sort of lying to her makes me wonder if you are to me.
All I know is that I don't like the feeling of being angry with you.
I miss you so much.
I know that I being the way I was these couple of days most likely pushed you away and I completely understand.

list of things i wish i could tell you...

• i miss you
• i hate that i'm thinking of you 98% of the time i am conscious
• i feel like you're so wrong for me, yet so right
• i think you're cocky (and it kinda annoys me sometimes)
• i hate you not expressing what you want
  
• i hate the fact you keep me staring at my phone
• it's a blur when i think back to when we didn't talk
• i hate you're unfinished thoughts
• i love your unpredictably
  
• i miss our late night conversations
• i hate feeling not good enough
• i hate feeling like you don't think of me
• i dislike the fact you don't take care of your money
• i hate the fact everyone hates the fact i have feelings for you
• i hate when you text me a trillion hours later
• i hate when you don't text or call me at all
• i hate how you notice everything
• i hate not knowing what you're thinking
• i hate that you turned me into that girl i used to make fun of
• i hate that i like you for all the things i hate about you.
  

i'm sick

and tired with myself.

i'm tired of staring at the phone. i feel like an idiot.

truly, i f ing need something to be done with me.

never could i of thought i would be that pathetic girl.

i'm so f ing frustrated with myself.

this blows holmes.



:p

Bull Shit

is what I'm beginning to figure out you gave me. My temper and my anger is one that i haven't experience in such a long long time. I know that in a way I'm one to blame as well because i let this go on. Giving me this whole BS that I was the one person you saw me having your child with and that one day even if i got over you you'd do whatever it took to win me back. BS. Simple as that. You saying those things seem to only be words to feed to me in order for me to wait for you. You know what? I'm worth so much more than what you know. I'm not an everyday slut that sleeps with guys and wants drama and attention. I'm so much more than that. If you really did mean all the BS you told me you would do whatever it took to be with me now. Just f it. I'm done.

So sad...

It's sad how hard it is to forgive nowadays. I understand that when you are hurt by a person, all you want to do it hope that they one day will know how you felt. I understand that time after time after them doing their wrongdoings to you it's even harder because you don't believe they are truly sorry. I get that. I've been there. I still come across that too. However, I've reflected with myself and thought, how is me wishing bad upon someone going to help my situation? If you think about it it's not really going to make a difference. I mean if they ever are in the situation you were in, is it really going to stop them from doing it again? I don't know. I wouldn't think so. At least for the most part. Life is way too short for wasting time on nonsense grudges. I know that there are exceptions though. I simply think it's really incredibly sad how much time is wasted on desiring bad things upon people. Just live you're life and let it go. God will always take care of the rest.

Everyday

that passes by is a blessing to me. There's always that something in the back of my mind asking myself "will I be here tomorrow"? "Will I see this person again"? I admit it's a very scary thought. I've been feeling this way since Robert passed away. He was an example of someone I took for granted. He was the one person I thought would always be there regardless. Everyday I miss him, some more than others. However, he has been a life lesson to me. He taught me that everything can be gone in a matter of seconds. Any little thing and it's over. Done. It's sad, but it is life. We pay the price the moment we take our first breath. Life is beautiful but there will always be pain to be felt along the way. It does hurt to think about him still. I hate remembering that time in my life when he had just passed away. I lost my brother and my only true best friend I ever had and ever will have. It's simply something that has been on my mind for quite a while. I guess it's sort of time to bring it out in the open, at least to myself.

maybe

this could have been.

god only knows why though.

it's not like i want you to leave her.

what bothers me and hurts me is that you don't even try to ask me to stay or wait.

maybe it's because you don't want me to.

maybe you just want what's best for me and you feel like that's not you.

it's fine.

i'll be fine.

i'm not angry with you.

i care about you a lot.

but i know that the outcome will unveil itself on it's own.

my heart is kinda achy

she says... what can i do to make it feel better?


figure it out.

how do i feel?

i 'll tell you how i feel.

i'm so friggin scared.
i feel like im on a friggin little tiny string that's about to break.
i'm confused on the uncertainty that there is.
how do i know i'm not just gunna end up being one more of your stories of girls?
i'm at a point where i don't even know what we should do but it's soo hard because i don't want to loose what we have. ughh!!!

I'm frustrated....

It's amazing

how quickly somebody can disappear.


trust me.


i know



.

i'm so f ing

sprung.





it's sad. ha.

today i

woke up at 3:30am
drove to hollywood
waited in line for about 3 hours
met an amazing homeless guy
interacted with so many different people from all over the country
met a couple who were married for 57 years
went to the grove to eat breakfast with my sis
walked back to the cbs studio
waited 3 more hours to go inside the studio
met drew carry
was in audience for the price is right
ran back to the car while it was pouring rain
was in rush hour traffic
and now home.
it was a really fun day. :)

waiting

walking back in forth. knowing you weren't coming but had hope that when i walked out you'd be there. i am upset but i know there's a reason for everything. i know that one day we will solve this unknown situation that we have. to be honest i am so confused. i don't know what you want and i don't think you know what you want either. i'm not asking for a relationship at least not now but i just hope you can figure out who it is you want. i think it's unfair to her and in a way unfair to me. i'm not angry with you. all I want is for you to figure out your feelings and you to be with the girl who will make you happier.

today

i had one of the most awkward, guilty, and sad moments of my life. i see his dad and out of not being rude i say hello while he waits for him. then i see him walking towards me. i can feel his pain from looking into his eyes. a simple hug hello. he tells me i look beautiful. i say thank you. i see his face and he's about to start crying. i ask him not to. i say i have to go. i walk away.

i feel like crap.

oh my geez

Valentine's Day is in 13 days!!

haha

this will be my first year in 3 years that i don't have a valentine.

ha.

oh wells, minus will take a break i guess :)

i'm broke either way.

hahaha

My culture

I never realized how beautiful my culture is. I am Mexican from both of my parents. My mom is from Tijuana and my dad is from Mexico City. In my mom's side of the family we have some Native American from my great great grandmother. She was from a small tribe in Arizona and she was a redhead with green eyes. She headed down to Mexico where she met my great great grandfather. He had some sort of Spanish in him and he had brown hair and green eyes. Then my great grandma(who i consider my grandma because she raised my momma)came along and she had my grandma and my grandma had my mom. Then on my dad side I just know we are Mexican, haha but i do know that at some point in time I had family who were Aztecs. I don't know I guess I just find it fascinating how the Mexican Culture came about. I took a Art History class of Mexico last semester and it just made me appreciate where i come from more. I feel bad for people who are ashamed of their culture or don't try to learn more about it because the Mexican history and art is so beautiful.

sometimes

I think to myself how it would be if my parents never had met and i wasn't born. Where would they be right now? Who would they be? I mean the only reason they ever stayed together was because of me. I truly do appreciate the fact that my dad didn't leave. I am grateful I have him even though he can be a pain in the ass most of the time. He's way to overprotective, he offends me, he has a huge temper, he is so immature but I prefer having him the way he is than not having him at all. I know that if it wasn't for him being the way he is I would probably be a knocked up high school drop out. However he implemented and carved in my brain how important it is to be somebody in life. That is the greatest gift i could ask for. Because of him I believe I'm so patient and forgiving. I think those two qualities are very difficult to come by from most people and those are the two qualities I feel make me the way i am. My dad is my dad and I love him so much. Underneath the temper, the immaturity, and the offends he is one of the most wonderful people I know. He has a very good heart and underneath is very sensitive. He is portrayed by being a mean and cold hearted person but in reality he is a wonderful man.

i do not know

what will happen.
i do not know if it will happen.
i do not know exactly how you feel.
i do know i love the way i feel.
i do know i love the unpredictability of the future.
i just hope that future consist of you.

:)

you make me

feel happy. my tummy turns when you talk to me. you make my heart beat so fast. your voice makes me feel safe. your hugs make me feel secure. you're eyes make me melt inside. your thoughts make me think. you always keep me wondering. i may get hurt at some point but i'm willing to take the chance because the feelings you make me feel are so well worth it.

i love watching

Leila sleep.

necessary thoughts

I have come to a very interesting time in my life. I am beginning to figure out who I am and who I want to be. At this point in time the most important things to me are my God, my family, my school, my responsibilities as a young adult, and when the time comes... somebody who I could love and be in love with. I don't know who, how, or when. It's not a priority. However if it feels right, it will happen. I am in another completely different state of mind right know, I don't even recognize myself. I guess you can say I'm all caught up in coping with a broken heart on my part and on the part of the person who's heart I broke. However, I've never felt so free to do anything I want. There has been days when i just feel like walking. I don't care where or how far. I just want to walk away from everyone and everything. I know it may sound selfish but it's frankly how I feel. On the other hand the situation with my family is a roller-coaster. Like every other family we have are good moment and our bad moments. What it comes down to though is that I love my family more than anything and anyone here on earth. I know that whatever and whenever I need them, they will be there. First and foremost my mother. She is my hero. I love her with all her mistakes, she has done way over her part in being a wonderful mother. With her two jobs and with her business woman instinct she has given us everything. I thank God so much for giving everything he gives me. Everyday the day he gives me is a precious gift to me. Having a roof over my head is a precious gift to me. Having a bed to sleep on everyday is a precious gift. Having my mother and father and them taking care of me even though they don't have to is a precious gift. Having everyone who I have in my life with me is a precious gift. One thing I am most grateful for is that I have my best friend with me everyday in heart. He still takes care of me like when he did when he was alive. I feel him with me at all time. I miss him so much though. I am very content with life right now. I feel very blessed.